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Friday, May 5th, 2006
9:16 am
This is a meme thing my friend posted on her journal

1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
YOu are open and honest :D
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
Shout, Shout, let it all out! These are the things I can do without... from the songworkshop we took together, remember that?
3. I'll name something we should do together.
take another goddess weekend someday. maybe in 5 years with our girls...or maybe in`10 without them ;)
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).

5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
hmmm.. lets see.. my first MEANINGFUL memory of you (beyond our discussions on the email list about prostitution, lol) Is walking the street of Calistoga window shopping and getting to know each other
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
hmmmmm .... I will have to think about this...
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you. I don't thin there is anything I have wonderedthat I havent asked you or that you haven't told me about...
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people :D here goes ;)

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Friday, February 17th, 2006
12:56 pm

go look and help me ;)

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Saturday, February 4th, 2006
6:16 am

My pirate name is:

Calico Jenny Bonney

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from

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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
6:23 am - just for fun, and very true!
You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart
Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome
Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand
And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

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Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
6:47 am

The BBC asked people to vote for the top 50 things everyone should try a bite of in their lifetime. Bold the ones you've eaten. Italicize the ones you dislike.

1. Alligator
2. American diner breakfast
3. Australian meat pie
4. Barbecue
5. Barramundi
6. Burgers
7. Caviar
8. Cheesecake
9. Chinese food
10. Chocolate
11. Clam chowder
12. Cornish Pasty
13. Crab
14. Cream tea
15. Curry
16. Durian fruit
17. Fresh fish
18. Greek food
19. Guinea pig
20. Haggis
21. Ice cream
22. Jerk chicken/pork
23. Kangaroo
24. Kebab
25. Lamb
26. Lobster
27. Mango
28. Mexican food
29. Moreton Bay Bugs
30. Mussels
31. Octopus
32. Oysters
33. Paella
34. Pancakes
35. Pasta
36. Pizza
37. Prawns
38. Reindeer
39. Ribs
40. Roast beef
41. Salmon
42. Sandwiches
43. Scallops
44. Shark
45. Squid

46. Steak
47. Sushi
48. Tapas
49. Thai food
50. Venison

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Saturday, August 6th, 2005
3:13 pm - Just a little link...
saw this while cruising the net about something today :)

It's a pretty funny/informative read about menstruation ;)

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Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
1:10 pm
Jeff's brother's wife Kelli called to ask me about some Egyptian musk a
friend of theirs from out of town was looking for (yea, ask Selena, she will
know about hippie stuff, sigh... lol)

Anyhow, I mentioned how I was trying to talk Jeff into moving to Seattle and
she said that would be bad for her. I laughed and said, "Kelli, we only see
each other like 3 times a year anyways" and it kinda went downhill from
there. something about how the cost of living in Seattle is higher, me
saying Jeff could earn more there. blah blah blah. I said if we stayed
here and Jeff lost his job there would be no way he could find another job
that paid as well. and I couldn't afford to put 3 kids in daycare (as if I
would want to!) and she said people do it all the time and Daniel would be
in school anyways. I said I brought in about $300 on average a month
anyways... she mentioned that it was a luxury me staying home. I said so
was a big house and a mustang (which she has, by the way, they bought it the
month before she found out she was pregnant).

blah blah blah.

so, I don't have a college degree. I could make anywhere between $8-$12
banking and less if I flipped burgers... plus I would have to pay daycare as
we have no help around here for childcare. How much would I have to make an
hour to pay for the privilege of someone else raising my 3 kids???

I mean, yeah, if Jeff lost his job, and we couldn't move or go somewhere for
some reason, Hell YES I would go out and work... someone has to support the
family and my kids need to eat and have a roof over their head but sheesh..
staying home with my children being a LUXURY??NO, it ISN'T a LUXURY! It's a
conscious choice and decision I made.

She has a college degree, which, yes, she worked hard for, I am not denying
that, and a huge house, with 4 bedrooms that was practically given to them
for $70K from my in-laws, a big nice bronco, etc etc etc And her husband
makes more money than I do and they only have one child blah blah blah.
blah blah blah.

Anyhow, why am I so darned defensive? is it because I am hormonal?? WHERE

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Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
5:32 pm - a survey from Dea
*Survey Numero Uno*

10 Basic-10 Personal-10 Random-


1.NAME: Selena

2.NICKNAME(S): Don't have one, unless "mom" counts ;)


4.Last time you had sex? Monday

5.BIRTHDAY: 8/30/75

6.HEIGHT: 5'8"

7.LOCATION: Redondo Beach

8.EYE COLOR: brown


10.BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE(s): hmm... not sure


1.STRAIGHT,GAY,OR BI? 98% Straight



4.BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: husband, Jeff, 5 years


1. frat boys
2. their need for dominance... whether it comes to sports, intelligence, etc...
3. Their double standard when it comes to sexuality (the loving lesbians and hating gay guys). (ditto, dead)

7.WHO IS YOUR CRUSH: Johnny Depp ;)





1.WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? guitars, kids toys, an A. N. Roquelare book ;)



4.FAVORITE SONG: hmmmm.. at the moment, Little Miss Magic by Jimmy Buffett

5.FAVORITE POSITION: hmmmmm....nunya as in "nunya business"

6.FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Sex and the City, pretty much romantic comedy stuff or the Real World (yes, I am a near 30 year old loser, rofl)



9.FAVORITE SOUND: my children giggling in their sleep

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE:"People need to understand that when they're deciding between breast milk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi...They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available."
- lactation consultant Chele Marmet.

*Survey Numero Dos*

add a question at the botton and repost

Have you...

(x) Slept all night in a bed with a person of the opposite sex

(x) Slept all night in a bed with a person of the same sex

( ) Slept for more than 12 hours

( ) Missed a week of school or more

( ) Kissed more than one person in a day

( ) Kissed more than two people in a day

( ) Created a myspace survey

(x) Done something special for someone else

( ) Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant

( ) Paid more than $50 for food at a fast food resturant

( ) Got caught for cheating on a test

(x) Talked on the phone while going to the bathroom

( ) Brushed your teeth while on the phone

(x) Worked in fast food

(x) Written a poem

( ) Randomly called people out of a phone book

(x) Been on a yacht

(x) Lied to a friend to make them feel better

(x) Dated someone more than 2 years older than you

(x) Eaten frosting out of the original container

( ) Had a dream about a myspace friend

(x) Fallen in public

(x) Had your pants rip

( ) Recently had a PB&J sandwich

( ) Met your principal's parents

(x) Killed an animal (hit a bird with my car felt terrible though)

( ) Been prescribed to 3 or more medications by a doctor

( ) Wished you were an only child

( ) Used your friends razor with out them knowing

(x) Been unproud of a decision you made

(x) Worked for a family member

(x) Been told you were too young

(x) Made out in a car

( ) Kissed a friend, then their best friend

(x) Been to a concert.

(x) Gotten away with a lie to your parents

( ) Been dumped the night of a dance and left with out a date

(x) Been cheated on

( ) Gone out with a person one of your parents set you up with

(x) Hate to admit you are wrong

( ) danced in a Mini Mart

(x) Went into a mini mart in bathing suit

( ) worn a tiara...

( ) Gone to church more than 2 times in a week--

( ) Copied more than 30 CD's in a day

( ) Made a movie

( ) Dressed "gothic"

(x) Worn 5 or more layers of clothing renn faire

( ) Had a stalker

(x) Been to California

( ) Lived on a house boat

( ) Swam in clear blue water

( ) Sat in a doctors office with a friend

(x) Ran across 6 lanes of traffic

(x) Made fish lips

( ) Hit on a waitress/waiter

( ) Taken pictures with a stranger

( ) Been to Busch Gardens--MMM Free Beer!!!!!

( ) Made a public speech

( ) Been on cable television

( ) Choreographed a dance

(x) Felt used

(x) Made a smoothie or milkshake...

( ) watched Desperate Housewives

(x) Watched a movie so often you could quote every word

( ) Listened to an old NSYNC or Backstreet Boys CD more than once...

(X) Kept something from a past relationship

(x) Given someone else flowers

(x) Taken a foreign language

(x) Wanted to meet someone you met online in person

( ) Wanted to date your boyfriend/girlfriend's sibling

( ) Drank an entire case of soda, by yourself, in one day

*Survey Numero Tres*

A - Age you got your first kiss: 9
B - Band listening to right now: nothing
C - Crush: hubby(and johnny depp)
D - Dad's name: Richard
E - Easiest person to talk to: Jenn
F - Favorite ice cream: Chocolate Peanut Butter by Tillamook
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: Gummy bears.
H - Hometown: Redondo Beach
I - Instruments: none
J - Junior High: Lincoln
K - Kids: 2 and a half ;)
L - Longest car ride ever: 2 days
M - Mom's name: Cheryl
N - Nicknames: none
O - One wish: To become a happy, more patient mother
P - Phobia[s]: ???
Q - Quotes: "People need to understand that when they're deciding between breast milk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi...They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available."
- lactation consultant Chele Marmet.
R - Reason to smile: a fullnight of uninterupted sleep.
S - Song you sang last: can't remember
T - Time you woke up today: 6:30AM
U - Unknown fact about me: um...i dunno,if you don't know it, there is probably a reason I haven't told you, rofl...
V - Vegetable you hate: okra... creamed corn
W - Worst habit(s): the internet
X - X-rays you've had: umm... ankle, um... sonograms... ??
Y - Yummy food: at this point? just about everything, rofl
Z - Zodiac sign: Virgo

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Sunday, June 19th, 2005
11:26 am
This is going to be a poor me post, so if you don't feel like listening to someone whining... mooove aloong ladies and gentlemen, nothing to see here...

Today is father's day. I am so ambivalent about today. Actually, I am devastated. I just want to cry. I haven't spoken to my dad for a month or so (this time...) and I really don't feel like ever speaking to him. I want to move away so I don't have to breathe the same air he does. I want to move to Seattle so I can be by my mom... who, strangely enough, left when I was 7, but somehow we have alwaysmanaged to stay in touch and stay friends. She was always supportive. And now that I am an adult, her and I have finally connected again on a mother-daughter level. I just hate sitting here on Father's Day knowing he is waiting for me to call, or not giving a shit if I do. I am tired of him being able to yell at me about how I never go out of my way enough and that I always put my friends and other family in front of him. Why the hell shouldn't I? They are there... they don't yell at me for not calling. I don't have to listen to them constantly talking about how this person or that person is not as cool as them. I dont have to worry about my kids not being good enough for them, or worry about what those other people are teaching my children. I don't have to worry about my son being tickled so much he screams and cries. Then get taunted for crying. God, my dad rules his home with an iron fist of control and fear. I am tired about worrying abouthim being mad at me. Or thinking that what I am doing isn't good enough. I am tired about just having to pretend the things he says to me in anger don't matter. My grandmother's advice? just forget it happened. he will get over it. WHAT ABOUT ME?? When do I get the time to "get over it"? Why do I spend my life around my Dad apologizing for not being a good enough daughter?

Anyhow... I am just so tired of being around my Dad's family and Jeff's family. Dad doesn't respect anything I do and is constantly saying I don't care enough to be in his life so I just shouldn't. he is so tired of being last to know everything.. blah blah blah. I know if I spent more time with him and grandma things would be better but I don't want my kids learning that the things they say and do are ok. I don't want my son to think he is "better" than everyone. Equal to, different, as good as, yes, but I am so sick of the "better than" attitude of my Dad. And the whole 40 something year old man yelling at a 20 something year old girl because she is the "child" and should know better. What the fuck? Why should anyone yell at ANYONE else like that?

Jeff's parents only come around when it's convenient for them... they couldn't care less if they saw the kids ever. Hell, my mother in law is always "sad" because she never gets to see teh kids but I tell her I willl bring them over any time or she is welcome here anytime. I will change plans so my kids can see her ebcause they LOVE HER so much. And she can't even be bothered. Because Don has to preach tonight, Don has to mow the lawn today, she has a lunch date.. she has to babysit this or that person from her church, Don wants to go to walmart... blah blah blah. She won't come by for an hour because she doesn't want the kids to get upset when she has to go so instead of seeing them for an hour a week, they see her maybe once a month. If that. She is always telling them all the fun things that they are goingto do then never following through.

I have been having horrifying dreams lately. People trying to kill me, my husband starting to rape me, running from unnamed terrors. I am just so tired. I want to sleep. I want to be at peace. I don't always want to be on the verge of tears.

Jeff and I have been argueing a lot lately. Bicker bicker bicker about everything. I am so tired of it. I just want something to go smoothly for a while.

Tomorrow I will be 18 weeks. Baby is coming... I can't wait to meet him or her. I just hope that I can be a good enough mom to three kids. I am having a hell of a time with only 2 right now.

I need to go back to counceling. I will call tomorrow.

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Friday, June 10th, 2005
6:29 am - ok, now a real post, surverys don't count, lol...
Let's see. Finances are starting to stress me out to the point of nightmares and huge daily stress... I am working on it though... thank goodness I have been getting orders the past day or so... it has saved my heinie and I am so thankful. I went grocery shopping yesterday, got enough orders to pay my PG&E bill, And enough to get us through payday. I have a couple more tentative orders hopefully coming and one half payment of a $150 order also on the way hopefully a week from today. I hope to send that directly to the Dentist office for Jeff.

I have a Dr's appt on Monday, I thought it was today but they called and reminded me yesterday it was Monday, thank goodness, lol.. I would hate to have driven all teh way down there for no reason ;) I will schedule my ultrasound for a week later or so... I think they wanted me to come in at 18 weeks for it. We are still planning on a surprise. I still have moments where I don't know if I will be able to resist learning the sex of the baby but gosh, it's so exciting to think about what we are going to have at the birth. And I know it will help me through :) I am havingmoments of extreme confidence over the birth and moments of fear... but it will be alright. I can do this, my body knows what to do, I have 2 wonderful friends as doulas and supports, and Jeff has been instructed to lock the door and not let me leave if my water breaks and I am not yet having painful contractions, rofl... last thing I want to do is spend another 36 hours strapped to a monitor with nothing happening until the Dr's give me pitocin.. and then nothing working anyways... sigh... I just thank the goddess I didn't end up with c sections. SO many in my position DID. so, this time, I am giving my body time to get there on it's own. I just hope I don't have the baby in the car halfway to Red Bluff, lol...

I am tired, but happy, have lots of creative work to do and yesterday I woke up tired but not exhausted, sooo, maybe I am over the hump in this pregnancy! Maybe it's time for me to hit the energetic creative portion, I hope so!!

current mood: cheerful

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6:11 am - ok, so I slipped on the regular updating thing..
But even this post, as long as it's taken me from last time, lol, is still more often than teh last 4 years ;)

Sooo, I decided to do the survey Dea and Arcana did... I was gonna do it after Dea said Arcana would be the first ;) then decided to do it when Arcana said no one would... sigh... too much of a challenge, SOMEONE has to do it ;)

1. What time is it local: 6:13am
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Selena Marie Smith
3. Nicknames: Honey, Baby, Mama, Mommy, Wiener (loong story, rofl.. I liked the Oscar Meyer Wiener song when I was a liiitlekid... it stuck...sigh) runt
4. Parent's names: Cheryl and Doug, and Richard
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last cake: I don't remember when I had to blow out candles on my cake.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out: Aug 30th
7. Pets: none
8. Height: 5'8.5"
9. Eye color: brown
10. Hair Color: dark brown
11. Piercing: ears, 2 (used to have 5 but let them close)
12. Tattoos: 1. on um, left upper hip, moon with ivy leaf hanging down, I want to have it covered with something meaningful about my children... the tatoo guy didn't like my simple idea so talked me into shading and I hate it, lol...
13. How much do you love your job: I love both of them a lot (motherhood and internet toy/dye/embroidery shop) but both of them are tiresome sometimes ;)
14. Birthplace: Torrance, Ca
15. Hometown: I don't know where I would call my home. Redondo Beach, as that was where I grew up, Seattle, as that is where I found myself, or here, because this is where i am now and have been the longest, other than Redondo...
16. Current Residence: Anderson, Ca
17. Had the drink Calypso Breeze?: No
18. Been in love before? Yes
19. Been to Africa? No
20. Been toilet papering? No
21. Been drunk? Occasionally
22. Been toilet-papered? yes
23. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes
24. Been in a car crash? just fender benders when I am at a complete stop and some idiot hits me from behind
25. Croutons or Bacon Bits: neither
26. 2 doors or 4 on a car? both
27. Sprite or 7 Up? I don't like either
28. Coffee or Coffee Ice cream: neither
29. Blanket or Stuffed Animal: both
30. Dumper or Dumped: only one man ever dumped me.. he did it twice then I divorced him.. so I guess I am the dumper?
31. Salad Dressing:Catalina or Olive Garden house dressing, YUM!
32. Color of Socks: I don't wear socks
33. Number of white socks: you expect me to count? That's silly. :P I am not THAT bored!
34. Number of colored socks: see above
35. Place to be kissed: lalalalalalaaaaa ;)
36. Movie: Pride and Prejudice
37. Quote from a movie: I can;t think of one now
38. Favorite Holiday: Halloween (samhain AND halloween traditions) and Yuletime
39. Favorite Foods: italian
40. Favorite Holiday-Christmas presents: ummmm... I dunno
40. Favorite Day of the Week: I dunno
41. Favorite Song at the moment: Too many to mention... Just Remember I Love You...
42. Favorite TV show: ???
43. Favorite Toothpaste: I am pregnant, I hate toothpaste, I just brush and hope it doesn't make the throw up this time, lol...
44. Favorite Restaurant: Olive Garden or El Sombrero in Manhattan Beach
45. Favorite Flower: wildflowers... all kinds
46. Least Favorite thing: stress
47. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: um, I don't really drink, but when I did occasionally, I liked Bartles and James Margarita Wine Coolers
48. Favorite Sport to Watch: Don't really watch sports.
49. Ice Cream: Chocolate Peanut Butter
50. Zoo Exhibit: Butterflies, but they make me sad...cause they all die at the end of teh season so as not to upset the migrations, no reproduction...
51. Favorite Sesame Street Character: MR SNUFFLUPAGUS!!! (which makes Arcana's response awfully funny to me ;) And mine rather sad, lol... she had imaginary friends, I identified with one.. sigh
52. Fast Food Restaurant: Jack in the Box
53. When was your last hospital visit? Anna's birth, May 29th 2002
54. Favorite drink? Tea, Herbed, Iced, Chai, Hot, Chamomile, tea, love it!
55. What color is your bedroom's carpet?: ligth brown
56. What was the name of your childhood blanket? I didn't have a "blankie" I had a bear ;)
57. How many times did you fail your Permit and/or Driver License Test? lol... anyone who reads this is either going to laugh or never get in a car with me or drive near me. I failed the written and driving tests both twice, rofl... but when I had to renew when I moved to Washington, I pased it the first time ;)
58. Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs.? Happy, hopefully with my own home and happy children and spouse :)
59. Who is the last person that you got mail from: an email notification from a mama board I frequent
60. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No
61. Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? um, Ikea... I want to redo my house
62. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read, veg on internet, make dolls, snuggle with kids
63. What words or phrases do you overuse: not sure...
64. Name the person that you are friends with that's farthest away: um, "real" friend or internet friend? my furthest internet friend is Lissa in PA, my furthest friend I have met in person...ummm....Jenn in GA
65. Most annoying thing is: hmmm....I don't know. I am hormonal and irritated by the stupidest things sometimes...
66. Best thing in your life: My family
67. Bedtime: Whenever I get tired or feel like it
68. Who will respond to this fastest? I dunno ;)
69. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? ????
70. What time is it now? 6:29

current mood: calm

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Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
6:34 am - ack~
Holey Crap... my Mother in law justmade me aware that THIS weekend is Anna's birthday...I could SWEAR it was NEXT weekend... sigh... why can't I keep on top of these things? I guess I will never be the big party CHuck E CHeese Pony and Clown Birthay mom, lol...

So, need to call some friends and invite them to Anna's birthday party :) Sunday at around 11, probably. 11 seems to work for all of my friends.

I am so tired... I hid from the telephone yesterday... I just want to sleep. Daniel tossed and turned and cried out all night last night. Kept kicking me... grrr and to think I got OFF the couch so I could sleep in MY bed and sleep better... oh noooooo... sigh... I really need to get dh on the ball and on board with getting the kids in their own bed. There won't be room when the baby comes and I will HAVE to get as much sleep as I can, then... I wish I knew why he was crying out...we had homemade macaroni and cheese last night... maybe it was too much milk for him... or maybe he just had to sort some things out...

I am trying to finish a nature table set for ebay. I have spring and summer done, fall justneeds hair and winter needs her dress sewn on and a head with hair. I was thinking about putting 4 silks in with it, too, to make a nature table starter kit... not sure about that, though... we will see. I am thinking of a big green one for grass... a small white one for snow, a snall brown one for fall, a small pink one fora field of flowers in the spring but I don't know how the effect will work. The dolls I made are not all the same size and I can't decide if that is a good thing or not... oh well. HOpefully they will sell quickly on eBay... I NEED to get some money raised for the next week or so. I hate being strapped for cash. I hate being strapped for cash and Jeff just not "getting it" oh well, at least yesterday he went and traded in video games and bought himself a new one, paid for another one in advance, and got Daniel a toy. SO he had an outing of fun for him and Daniel with no money spent, whoo hoo!

Today is Tuesday, so I am going to call Melanie and see what she is doing with Calvin today. Turtle Bay, I think, is what she was planning for sunny days. Anyone else wanna go? I have a few free passes and if I get there when Melanie does, I can get in on her card if mine is expired... We should be going there around 11. Plan to bring water and snacks for kids. They have a cafe there but its expensive and they have an ice cream machine so be prepared with $1.50 or with blindfolds to hide your children's eyes from it ;)

Goal for today:
not to fall asleep while driving
finish laundry (I am really close!)
get nature table dolls done

current mood: tired

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Monday, May 23rd, 2005
6:04 am - YAAAAAAAW. Tired now, lol.. it's too early, why can't I be one of those sleep til 7:30 people? lol..
sigh... it's a good morning. Woke dh up, the best way... and he returned the favor, whoo hoo,check one off my list ;) Kids are still asleep, thank goodness. Speaking of list, let's see what else I got done...
Saturday's list:
1) do dishes ***check
2) do some laundry ***check
3) go to gem store or farmers' market *** decided to skip and save the money
4) take a nap *** missed this one but got to bed early
5) make a good dinner *** did this but hubby wanted canned soup, rofl... why can't I win? rofl...

So, all in all fairly productive..

recap of this week's list:
1) start walking 3 times a week
2) make dinner at least 6 out of 7 days... and have at least 5 of those be real dinners, not canned soup or spaghetti-os (yummm... spaghetti-o's, with franks...)because I was too tired ;)
3) go to grocery store and buy spaghetti-o's with franks ;) (GOT EM!! whoo hooo)
3) get my laundry CAUGHT UP!
4) clean and _organize_ my kitchenso it makes sense again.
5) spend some quality time with DH ;)(check)
6) spend some more quality time with dh...;)
7) call my councelor and finally get in for that 2nd appt...
8) not spend any money unless I earn it by crafting

so far so good :) it's Monday and have two things checked off my list :) 6 to go :)

I took Daniel bike riding yesterday and he had a great time. Anna, too. Switched her back to the tricycle instead of the bicycle and she had much more fun. She hasn't quite gotten the "don't pedal backwards it makes you stop" theory. Daniel also when crashing into a small blackberry bush because he forgot about the "pedal backwards so you CAN stop" theory, lol... Played with neighboor kid, other neighboor lady brought him over because she says his mom never takes him outto play, so he came over for 10 minutes then we went bike riding and he came and ran alongside. Daniel threw a fit when we went inside but he got over it ;) His tantrums are much easier to deal with when I don't take them personally... I need to remember that.. it's NOT MY FAULT, he is a KID and has very little emotional control. Seems like a no brainer but I forget sometimes...

Pregnancy head cold central has struck with a vengeance... sigh... alll thatextra blood in your body makes all your tissues swell. In some places that is a GReat! thing, in others, like nose and throat... not so fun...bleah... belly is starting to poke out even more. Not feeling so fat anymore, feeling pregnant instead, yae :)

Today I need to make some fairy stuff so I can make some money. Things are still pretty tight around here. Evidently they gave us too much money with his bonus check last payday so they are taking it out this one... bastards can't get their shit straight and so we need to tighten our belts, as they say... grrr...

Even though I am not, I feel somehow caught between this Arcana and Meg thing. I don't neccessarily agree with the way Meg told Arcana how she felt but I understand we all have our ways... and we all reach our emotional point of no return and I think that is what happened to Meg... but I am trying to keep chaos and "drama" so to speak out of my life and this has brought it in. Hell, I just need to stay out of it and not worry, they will sort it out or not. I have spent so much of my life being friends with people who don't like each other and I am just tired of having to juggle.... grrr... wah wah whine whine bitch moan ok done...

Today I want to make a little fairy house or two.. I have this dream of a half circle one as a cave for a little dragon and a little teeny dandelion one to go with one of my teeny dandelion fairies :) should be cute...just gotta MAKE it happen...

hope anyone who is taking the time to read this has a good day! I know I am going to!

current mood: groggy

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Saturday, May 21st, 2005
10:05 am - two posts in one day? ooooh...
just cruising through my old journal posts since I decided to start paying attention to this thing... I have had a livejournal since October 2000! holey cow! And it only takes up 2 pages (less than 40 entries), LOLOLOLOL!!!

here is a poem I posted before. Maya Angelou... wonderful poem

Phenomenal Woman
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me
I walk into a room
just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down to their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
that's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

and a joke ;)
For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, a touch of reality:
1.. When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
2.. When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you
3.. When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
4.. When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5.. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
6.. When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
7.. When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again, I don't want whatever you have.
8.. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend.

Send to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you only have 2 friends, and one's not speaking to you right now anyway.

current mood: giggly

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9:13 am - well, this is better than once a year posting, eh? ;)
I have had a pretty great week! I am tired and exhausted and dizzy and nauseous as usual, but, well, that is pregnancy for ya. I have had a few "how the heck am I going to drive to pick up Dan being this dizzy" moments but for the most part I have been ok :)

Went to a BBQ last night and had a great time. I love my new friends :) And I finally got to eat BBQ chicken... and now I don't want it anymore, LOL... yae! Stayed WAY too late because I looked at a wrong clock, lol, but hopefully Tiffiny doesn't think I am some wierdo who won't ever leave ;)

Thinking about going to the Gem and Mineral show... depends on when hubby gets home from work and whether I go to the farmer's market... I wonder if the Tuesday one is up yet... I like that one... seems easier to get places on Tuesday than Saturday... we will see.

Got to see everyone on the lists at the BBQ, it was great. Saw Freda and family and will forever be indebted to Doug for making me bbq chicken, YAE!. Met Chad (he is nice)and his daughter, it was ncie to see Arcana again, it's been too long. Poor Summmer was either jealous of Dea or maybe it was just the extra incentive of her same age buddy being there that spurred it on ;) but she was being more violent towards Steven last night... Dea and Steven were cute. It was nice to see Steven being more self assured, and he was actually uncovering his face to be seen ;)Someone tell him he has a nice face, he might think I am some psycho old lady if I tell him, LOL. Tiffiny and I got a couple giggles out of watching him and the girls and we both agreed happily that it was very nice being boring married ladies with kid(s) ;) It was nice to see Dea again. Would have liked to talk to her more but there was a lot going on and I couldn't handle the chaos of the young girls beating him up. Dea is more laid back ;) I can handle that much better. We chatted on the computer a couple days ago, she must think I am a weirdo, too... I forget not everyone spills their entire life story when in chat, ROFL... oh well... take me or leave me... I yam what I yam, says Popeye.. and anyone who loves spinach as much as me must have something going for them ;)

k, enough of that.

I am stealing an idea from another buddy of mine and making a goal list ;) I am taking it in parts, because i need to, lol...

**Before baby comes
1) thoroughly clean my house.
2) reorganize kids room and go through toys... they play with all their toys, so I need to weed out some and maybe plan a rotation... and find a new way of organizing so it doesnt turn into a nightmare
3) start eating more fruit and veggies
4) stop the damn morning sickness!
5) find out which diapers Corinne has for the baby and replenish what I need... (yes, wierdo cloth diaper-er here, lol!
6)spend lots of "quality time" with Dh so he remembers how we ended up in "the family way" to begin with...
7) figure out how to get three carseats in my car...

**This summer
1) spend as much time at the lake(s) as possible. Go at every chance with every group of friends.
2) thotoughly enjoy my children
3) play more outside with my kids
4) play more INSIDE with my kids ;)
5) have a bbq/playgroup once a month, perhaps more if I am so inclined

**This coming week
1) start walking 3 times a week
2) make dinner at least 6 out of 7 days... and have at least 5 of those be real dinners, not canned soup or spaghetti-os (yummm... spaghetti-o's, with franks...)because I was too tired ;)
3) go to grocery store and buy spaghetti-o's with franks ;)
3) get my laundry CAUGHT UP!
4) clean and _organize_ my kitchenso it makes sense again.
5) spend some quality time with DH ;)
6) spend some more quality time with dh...;)
7) call my councelor and finally get in for that 2nd appt...
8) not spend any money unless I earn it by crafting

1) do dishes
2) do some laundry
3) go to gem store or farmers' market
4) take a nap
5) make a good dinner

ok, I think that is enough for now,I can edit as need be...

current mood: content

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
6:15 am - sigh.. I am a livejournal loser
I am attempting to get into this journaling thing... I will start out with simple stuff, to get me "into it" and then hopefully graduate into using it as somethign I intended, something to getout some deeply personal issues about my life... speaking of, I need to figure out how to make posts friends only...


so, what's new, Daniel just turned 5, Anna will be 3 at the end of the month, I am 13 weeks pregnant, lost 3 pounds so far, found out I lost another pound at my appt yesterday so I bought myself a doughnut ;) I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would damnit, which is probably why I am losing weight, lol... food just doesn't seem good right now.. grrr... and NO, Iam not TRYING to lose weight, it's just happening, ARGH!!you would have to be a fool to try and lose weight while pregnant, no matter how heavy you are, eh? ;) Jeff is still at the bakery :) All is mostly well around here, money is just really tight ;)

enough for now :)

current mood: tired

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Sunday, May 9th, 2004
9:22 am - ah, today is mothers day
Well, today is mothers day :)

Dan will be 4 in a week, Anna will be 2 on the 29th. I can't beleive it... seems like yesterday that I was just holding them in my arms the first time...

Well, funny thing, Jeff evidently wasn't paying close attention at the Dr's office and he is NOT borderline bipolar, he just has a seratonin imbalance, lol.. MEN! So, he is still on zoloft, with just a little brighter outlook :)

Had a couple large orders lately, been doing some fun embroidery. That sort of thing.

Daniel has dental work this month, Anna soon after. Dad is getting another large check from his portion of Grandpa's asbestos wrongful death case so he bought a new truck (top of the line everything psycho 51K truck) and gave my brother his "old" truck (close to the top of the line immaculately maintained king cab dodge) and is giving us some moolah, which will thankfully pay for both kids dental work and maybe leave enough for us to buy an older model pickup truck for Jeff to drive to work :) Or maybeI will join the ranks of station wagon moms, ACK!

life is good, just a little overwhelming, as usual ;)

((hugs)) to me and whomever reads this ;)

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Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
6:08 am - WHy cant I manage to stay on top of this? lol...
Things here are crazy as usual, but I am trying to change my outlook so I dont feel bogged down.

Lets see... in the last couplemonths i have:
Changed business from to since I was moving in new directions.

Joined and left an online co-op boutique type store

Joined Curves Gym (only been twice, going to work on that, lol)

Um... Lets see.. FIL had a heart attack, he is ok, thankfully, it was a minor one.. as far as heart attacks go...

I am going to see my Mom next Month, whoo hoo, its been too long.. I miss her and we have some talking to do about my childhood. Some scarey shit but I think I will be better for knowing the "whole story" as they say... Daniel is super excited to see his Gramma Cheryl and Granpa Doug ;) So am I :)

Anyhow, Other than trying to work out childhood trauma and changing my life habits, not a whole lot going on ;) Trying to be a better housekeeper, trying to get my business going (having a huge sale now, rofl, to finance trip) and trying to be a better mom.

Off on the journey ;) Chocolate Banana Nut muffins are calling my name ;)

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Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
7:51 am - been a long time...
Well, things here are as somewhat normal and somewhat crazy as they always are...

The kids are doing fabulously. Growing like weeds and getting more creative and boisterous and loving every day.... And more stubborn and headstrong, but that just means they will grow into people who won't be pushovers, right??? ;)

Jeff and I are doing great. He has some BS going on at his work... The plant went union and the Corporate office threatened (not so subtly) that if they voted the union in, the plant would close down... SO, we are saving our tax return this year JUST IN, though, to not know what is going on...

I am looking ot break into new ventures with my business, start a more upscale clothing line for kids. Hoping to get in with one of the wahm collectives but if not, I will go it on my own :)

anyhow, here is the new site, just a main page, no categories yet

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Monday, February 10th, 2003
9:49 am - long time no see.....
ugh, kids are sick, Jeff is playing guitar, I need a nap... bleah....

Anna is now 16lbs 8.5 ounces and 8 months old... "cruising" the tables, she loves cheerios and avacadoes and bananas.

Daniel is now almost 2 years and 9 months old is being a typical enchanting aggravating 2 year old. Loves play dough and painting and Scooby Do:)

I am just tired, lol, though lately I have added a new hobby of Machine Embroidery and am about to try elting a bar of soap. Should be interesting:)

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